So many wasted years… or were they? God redeems our mistakes. Our lost time. Our foolish decisions. But at a cost… God will not be mocked, man shall reap what he sows.
Oh, how I long to have some of those years back… perhaps not even the years, but the decisions that I made; the seeds that I sowed.
But God is faithful. Even in my licentiousness, he was there all along, pushing me away from death, ensuring I would find life and have it more abundantly. Oh my Lord and Savior! I owe a debt that I cannot repay. Try as I may, my efforts are largely in vain. I am starting to learn that you don’t want me to repay you; rather you are interested in the offering of myself as a sacrifice upon the altar of praise.
Who am I to argue with you, O living God, creator of all that was, and is and is to come? Yet I do. I talk myself out of that which you have accomplished and ordained. Why do I do this?
O God, I am made of dirt, and many times I act the part; belittling what you have done; not in spoken word against it, but in the mere action of not accepting it. You call me forgiven, yet I call myself a sinner. You called me healed, yet I say that I am sick.
When will I begin to look like Jesus? When will I begin to see in me what you say is in me?
I believe what your word says. Doesn’t this constitute a mustard seed? If so, why aren’t the mountains moving? Why do I still struggle with strongholds in my life?
It is true: your goodness and mercy surround me always. I want to see you glorified. I want to see you. I want to see your power and strength overcome my enemies. I want to see you moving as told in the stories of old.
Why have I grown cold?
I can’t earn my way to you, it is a free gift. I am able to come to the throne because of my faith in the work that your Son performed on the cross.
Why is prayer dead to me? Why is worship dead to me? Why is fasting dead to me?
Have I sold my inheritance?
If so, strike me now God! I have not other reason for life! If I can not live my purpose out here then have mercy on me and take my life. Have I messed up your will for my life? Have my bad decisions taken me off the path of righteousness?
Help me stay the course, run the race, pray fervently. Help me stay in Your word. Help me find the will and power for these things.
You tell me to walk my salvation with fear and trembling – I don’t know how! Show me that I may please you.
Give me fear and trembling!
Don’t let me throw my life away. Don’t let me fail to serve your purposes for me. Lord, without you stepping into my life in a big way, I fear that I may…
I don’t know any other thing to do but to ask you to seriously intervene. I am scared to obey – my flesh rebels. I can’t find the will to do what I know I need most! Help me, I am drowning in me…
I am not content with my life. Lord, let this year be one of significant life change. Deliver me from myself! Save me from bad decisions! Don’t let me get away with rebellion but burn it from me. God, help me!
Let me be a light. Let me be chosen, not just called. God, take the most destructive thoughts and beliefs and destroy them from me. Let me be in alignment with what it takes for a more abundant life. Grant me wisdom and revelation so that I may know you better!
Lord, this is my prayer. Prepare me to live the best years of my life. Let me impact the world around me with your light and life. Let me have something so that I may give. Take my pride away. Anguish me until the dross is gone.
