One great asset given to us by God to assist in living successful and abundant lives is the gift of relationships.
Relationships are important beyond what many people realize. Throughout the Bible we are shown example after example of relationships. Genesis 2:18 tells us God made Adam a companion because it was not good that man was alone.
Later in the good book we see other unforgettable relationships such as the covenant relationship between David and Jonathan and the father-son relationship of Paul and Timothy. These relationships give us good example of how important it is that we have close bonds with one another.
My favorite examples of relationships in the Bible are the relationships that God had with man. He walked in the Garden of Eden with Adam, spoke with Moses, inhabited the praises of David and communed with Jesus while he was in human flesh. Today, He offers the same relationship to all who will accept it. For me, it has been the best relationship I could have dreamed of – he is truly a friend closer than a brother.
But it hasn’t always been that way. Through multiple relationship failures including a divorce that left my heart and mind severely scarred, my ability to get close to people was largely damaged. Try as I may, my defense mechanisms kept people at a safe distance – close enough to benefit from what they had to offer yet far enough away to be in control and within close range of an escape exit if things got too scary.
I finally realized that the emotional baggage and scars from so many relationships-gone-bad were keeping me from having intimate relationships of any real worth. It was as if a good chunk of my heart was missing and as such I was able to use or hurt others without really feeling too much pain myself. I was quite numb.
Not until I received a healed heart from God did I truly understand the terrible cycle I was in. I learned by experience that the scars from past relationships created new relationships prone to failure or at least ones that were unable to function in the capacity in which God intended them to function. I now understand why my heart was one of the first things God healed in me when I gave my life fully to Him.
I also understand why relationships are one of Satan’s number one targets. If he can destroy one marriage, family or friendship it will have a domino effect on everyone who later enters into a relationship with the damaged person. As a damaged heart enters into a relationship with another and given enough time, the damage will spread to encompass those involved.
Through the trauma endured, the heart becomes jaded and insecurity results. Once a heart is damaged, a person will be altered in their actions as they attempt to relate to others. It could be that a person becomes independent and defensive by putting up walls, not allowing closeness, lacking intimacy or being quick to flight. Perhaps another person becomes dependent and needy, quickly becoming involved in relationships, giving their hearts fully and quickly, not leaving an abusive relationship or fearful of the person whom they love will walk out on them. Whatever the insecurity, rest assured that is it not a healthy one.
Insecurity in a person will eventually surface in a relationship. Mild insecurity may not have much detrimental effect but if insecurity is more than mild it can have nasty and bitter repercussions to all parties involved.
Most counseling techniques and self-help methods I have seen assist their audience by teaching how to cope, react, deal with and respond to problems that arise from insecurities. Major symptoms are even treated with a variety of potent drugs, which usually have some undesirable side effects.
I have yet to find a self-help book or counseling technique that claims to lead to healing of these emotional wounds. And how could they? To fix such problems would equate to altering a person’s psyche, and little is known about it, let alone how to manipulate it. Perhaps a shrink can help lessen the symptoms, but the problems are never fully alleviated.
I tried to find healing for quite some time. From RET (rational emotive therapy) philosophy, positive thinking to alcohol and other, I have attempted and failed. I was forced to accept my position of insecurity and learned to cope as best I could. I even learned to act normal – to smile, care and encourage when necessary. I have found many people who were good at coping just like me, fellows with failure, low self esteem and insecurities abound.
I believe insecurities left from dysfunctional relationships are epidemic in proportion. Every adult and child that goes through a divorce, every person verbally, physical or sexually abused, every person who’s trust was betrayed most likely has issues that hamper healthy relationships. Additionally, further issues result. Drug use to numb the pain, violence, sexual perversion, suicide, and abuse of all kinds – the list could go on and on.
There are two types of people that I want to write to – those innocent souls who want to avoid the mess I have described and those who want to be healed because they have experienced what I am speaking about.
Proverbs 4:23 tell us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.“ Our heart is where our life springs from. If the water is tainted or polluted, so shall our life be as well.
To guard our heart means to protect it from harm or to defend it. Obviously, if we are instructed to guard our hearts that must mean an enemy exists who wants to destroy or conquer it. We must be wise in whom we allow our hearts to supp with. Philippians 4:6 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.“
This scripture provides the answer that you are looking for and it is simple to understand. Put down the self-help book, discard the well-meaning advice of family and friends and adhere to the truth in the Word of God.
For those are already tarnished in some manner, you must be touched and healed by the hand of God for only He has the ability to heal the heart. Psalms 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds“. Put away your self-help books and quit looking to other humans for advice and counsel – only God can heal the broken heart.
Matthew 13:15 states, “For this people’s heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.“
I went to church for some time, but I didn’t really commit my life to God until one day I realized that what was preached made sense but I was merely rejecting it – my eyes that didn’t see and ears that didn’t hear were finally opened and it was then I got on my knees and told God that I was his no matter what. God then began a healing process in my heart, which continues to this today.
The results weren’t immediate, but they did come. Today, the major pieces of my heart have been fully healed and my ability to have a meaningful and intimate relationship has been restored. The healing I sought after so long on my own was finally came with a true commitment to Jesus Christ.
